Love, in philosophical language, is an essential contested concept. That is, the concept of love has numerous meanings, and not any of them can be claimed to be irrefutable. Among the various meaning of love, the most glorified and accepted notion of love is the idea of unconditional love. Unconditionality is regarded as the mark of love in its true sense.
However, we seldom question what does it mean by unconditional love. Is true love really lack any condition? Is it the case that before falling in love conditions apply but once you fall in love, it must be conditional? This article aims to explore the above questions and claims that there are at least some conditions that apply to love too.
What is the basic condition of falling in love? It must be admitted that falling in love does not happen all of the sudden. Yes, it starts with attraction (in most of the cases with physical attraction) but it does not end there. It is not as blind as it is thought to be. We try to evaluate the person on our own standards. These standards vary from person to person. Of course, the standard itself contains some conditions. So unconditionality does not exist at the first step of love.
Is Unconditional Love Overrated?
Now, what about when you enter in a relationship and after sometime you start realizing that though you love the person there is something which seems lacking in the relationship. What if you love the person but you do not want to be with him or her. It seems that love start with attraction but does not end there. It seeks compatibility to grow with each other.
What is compatibility? People think that similar financial, social or educational background make persons compatible but it is not so. It requires similar world view, that is, there should be an agreement on how two people see and understand the world, and also how deal with it. For instance, if there is a disagreement with me and my partner that dowry is wrong, we cannot remain in love. In my view, this is the basic condition for being in love otherwise it will fade up in somedays; no matter how strongly you try to not to break it.
( Nevertheless, there are some conditions that society forces upon love, and they should be discarded. For instance, society told us that class, religion, caste, gender, etc., of a person, cannot be ignored in a love relationship but it must be.)
So, falling in love is not unconditional and it should also not be so. Love is not a passive act, hence it requires thoughts and reflection. And it is not unacceptable or selfish if you found your love and relationships on the conditions that are product of your reflections.